Re: College essay.
Hi, you strike me as really sincere and want the best essay, so I decided to make the time to provide you feedback one more time. Take the second version of your essay and consolidate the main and most important points you want to tell admissions about you and your experience into the conclusion. So you would have to cut some of the unnecessary details in your first version and make room for a new conclusion of two paragraphs. Read out loud your essay and revise 5 times more to get to around 550 words, then I will help you cut some more.
I am out most of today. Just get your essay to me by 8PM if you like my help. Tonight is the only time I can do it since I work on weekends also. : )