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Parent perspective

confusedonhadesconfusedonhades 10 replies2 discussionsRegistered User New Member
I was hoping to get a parent perspective on my current situation. When I was applying to boarding school both my parents were on board. However, now that I've decided where I'm going my dad seems to be discouraging me from going. He'll say things like if you don't go you'll be able to get your car. And I can't get my car now that your going to school. Of course he says it in a joking manner but I can still tell he's trying to discourage me from going. I can't tell if its just that he doesn't want me to leave home or he is truly against the idea of me leaving. The only reason I ask is everytime we talk about going away his behavior towards school is always the same, discouraging. Maybe a parent could give me an idea of why he's acting this way now.
edited May 2013 in Prep School Parents
5 replies
Post edited by confusedonhades on
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Replies to: Parent perspective

  • wcmom1958wcmom1958 1 replies0 discussionsRegistered User New Member
    Dear Confused...

    Without knowing your parent, it's impossible to know if they are kidding, trying to let you know in an indirect way how much you'll be missed, having second thoughts about the financial impact, testing your resolve, or something I haven't thought of. I can't imagine that any parent (or kid, if we're honest) doesn't feel SOME ambivalence and/or trepidation about such a huge undertaking. I am finishing my third year as a boarding parent and I still have to remind myself why we did this. It's hard. Perhaps for kids, once you're there and things go well, you no longer have any regrets -- but I think for parents who miss their kids, even when things go well, there is longing and wondering if there was another way to reach the same end.

    This may be an opportunity for you to begin that new, more mature, relationship that inevitably grows out of this life transition. Perhaps this is the time to sit down and ask your parent what you've asked us? Of course some people are more comfortable with these kinds of conversations than others, but gently asking hard questions may signal to an ambivalent parent that you really ARE ready to do this.

    Good luck!
    edited May 2013
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  • PhotographerMomPhotographerMom 5 replies0 discussionsRegistered User
    That was a lovely heartfelt response, @wcmom. Confused, I think you've been wonderful on these threads- so hopeful, mature and helpful to others. I know you'll get this resolved.

    Good Luck!
    edited May 2013
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  • london203london203 6 replies0 discussionsRegistered User
    Any chance you could ask your dad directly where his concern lies? Tell him yours in return... it might just open things up so that they can be resolved. Good luck!

    For what it is worth, I have been panicking even since my daughter decided! I know it is the right choice, but it is hard to think that she is moving out... at 14. We will see her as often as we can, and she should thrive there, so that helps me. But, the missing her part is overwhelming at times. Maybe this is some of what your dad is feeling?
    edited May 2013
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  • confusedonhadesconfusedonhades 10 replies2 discussionsRegistered User New Member
    Thank you all so much for your responses I've decided that you are right and I need to sit down and talk to my dad. I definitely understand missing your child because your not seeing your kid for months at a time when you're used to seeing them everyday is a big change. I guess I just don't understand the approach because we are a joking family, but I've never seen him react to something in this way.
    edited May 2013
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  • 2prepMom2prepMom 19 replies0 discussionsRegistered User New Member
    Parents are usually OK with applying, and figuring the odds, think it is unlikely you will get in. Or the reality seems far away.

    Our family went through this same process when the admission and acceptance were set. DO WE REALLY WANT TO DO THIS? I remember long talks with D about the benefits of staying home, and how she had a choice. This is a big decision and it is very wise to step back and think about it carefully. It WILL mean no car, and a forever altered relationship with your family.

    We miss her so darn much, and she arrives home utterly exhausted and frazzled for vacations, and sleeps for 3 days. Parents pay a price, in much more than just a financial sense, for the opportunities their kids have at boarding school.

    So realize it is very hard to let you go. Talk about it.

    The parental panic does not usually settle down until parents' weekend in October. Then you get to show us your room (clean), your classwork (done) your roommate (friend) and tell us how unbelievably happy you are. Your teachers tell us very insightful comments about your strengths, and everybody feels on the right track. There may be a few bumps down the road to look forward to as well ;)
    edited May 2013
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