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how can i shorten my appeal letter, while keeping details? please help

CrisfloCrisflo Registered Users Posts: 2 Harvard Champion
Dear Financial Aid Office

My name is ________ and I attend _______ Community College. This letter is an appeal for my failure to meet the requirements in order to receive Financial Aid. My performance during Fall 2012 and Spring 2013 resulted in a poor average of D’s, therefore dropping my grade point average below required by Financial Aid.

What happened?

My beloved grandfather passed away, and it left a dramatic change within my family and I. My grandfather _____, who passed away in Lima, Peru, used to go travel from Peru to US to support my aunt. My Grandfather supported my aunt, grandmother, and my aunt’s children financially. My grandfather passed away in Peru on August 24th 2012. My grandmother who is 67 is unable to work, and my aunt already had a job. As the semester went on, I found myself working more than I intended. I started missing assignments and a few class sessions, so I would send emails to fellow students asking for any assignments I’ve missed on a specific day and they’ve been very helpful. I tried my best to complete every assignment that was given. Realizing that my performance was starting to drop, I would ask for any extra credit assignments the professor may assign for me in order to increase my chances of passing the class. Unfortunately, my professors did not allow me to make up any missed assignments. The professors’ decision was understandable because it would not be fair to other students who attended every class session and every missed assignment was my own fault. I completely acknowledge my mistakes.

During the SAP GPA-Rule warning on spring semester 2013, I had to support them financially. As my other family members live across the country. My aunt had a job but was not enough to support herself, her children and my grandmother. So I had to take care of her kids while she was at work and I had to find a baby-sitting job to provide money and help her pay the rent. I had a small job of babysitting kids in her house while she was at work, so that I can take care of my cousins too. Since I was helping provide money for my Aunt and grandmother, I was unable to focus mentally, thus affecting my courses. I attended classes but due to no energy and having not studied, my grades were failing. I do not have to many relatives here to help me take care of them; there was also family issues were no one would want to cooperate thus leaving me do all the work of helping. I have been sleep deprived, which also affected my focus during classes. My grandfather took care of me as child in Peru, he has been a father to me, as my real father did not take care of me. It affected me emotionally because he was the closest person to me. My family fell apart, they barely talk to each other after his death. I had neither time study nor finish work. I’m in need of Financial Aid, as my mom and step father make minimum wage and it’s only enough for rent. This is why I’m appealing, so that I can receive help. While babysitting, on the morning I did attempt to attend my classes, but it wasn’t enough because I could not concentrate. I am aware that my mistake was putting work before my education, and I take full responsibility for my actions. Although, my academic performance was unsatisfactory, I was able to help my aunt stabilize her financial status.

What has changed?

I would also like to address what has changed in my life that will now allow me to make SAP in future semesters:
I’m will attempt take summer courses to replace the failing semesters. With the money left over after helping my aunt, I have called my family to get together and put our resources together in order to buy tickets for my grandmother, my aunt and her two children. She is to departure on May 12 th to Peru and they plan to stay there evermore. With less responsibility since they’re leaving, I can now have time for school and continue to strive for my career. I attended ENG 111 and passed with a D, Eco 202 with D, without studying these grades have brought down my GPA. It has gotten worst when it continued to the spring semester, as I had no time to study or go over subjects with my professors. During spring semester, I received a B average on all quizzes and tests on HIS 101, which was because I have very high knowledge on world history. I did my best to turn essays in on time, but they were not good enough as I barely had any knowledge on the topic due to being sleep deprived, due to having to stay up late and take care of my aunt’s kids, while she was at work.

Path
In order for me to get to a good standing point, I must seek help from tutors in order to catch up on my work. I plan to take summer classes, in order for me to raise my GPA and replace failing grades on my last two semesters. I Plan to take MTT4, which I got an Unsatisfactory, and want to retake and advance in my math courses. After MTT4, I will move over to Math 163 and so on. In order to be able to transfer to a 4-year college, I need advance math courses, and I’m willing to study all day and night to achieve it. Also I have already contacted George Mason University and received a transfer transcript so that I could follow the required courses for my degree. I plan on taking ENG 112, ECO 201, as both are necessary for my BS degree in computer since. Also in order to achieve my dream goal, and that is to be successful programmer. I will achieve my goal of receiving my Bachelor’s degree in computer science, I have gotten a part time job and explained my manager my situation, and we have come into an agreement for me to only work part time and only a few hours on weekends, which will give me more than enough time to continue doing my Work. I will make use of the tutor program here in Northern Virginia Community College. I will work fewer hours at my new part-time job and only focus on my studies. With my Aunt, her children and my grandmother having my family in Peru look over them, I will be able to continue and focus only in my studies. I will give more than 100% to my course work. If I do not understand, since I know have time, I will stay with the professors on their offices hours and try to get the most of out the topic discussed. I will spend more than 30 hours studying, I will attend to the library, where there is peace and quiet and will focus on my work. I plan to attend library Mon-Friday from 3PM to 9PM daily. Meet up with friends and ask for opinions on my papers, seek help from tutors, and interact with the professor. Since I have been more calmed, and accepted the fact that my grandfather is gone, I do have my brothers who support me and tell me that I should keep moving forward. I will use my grandfather as a motivation to achieve my dreams, as before he died he told me that he wishes for me to get a college education. After completing my MTT4 courses, I will be able to take CSC (computer courses) with the recommended math course. I truly love programming and computers. And I cannot wait until I start taking more classes, and truly have time to put all of it into learning and becoming successful. If appeal gets granted, I will receive all classes with a B+ and above, no excuses. I have time now to dedicate my whole life to school and be successful when I graduate in a four-year university.

Attached is the documentation for my poor performance:

Facebook Message between my friend and I on the day my grandfather passed away
A plane ticket for my grandmother that is also leaving to Peru on May 12
A babysitting flyer I printed and handed when I was babysitting back in September 2012
I cannot obtain a death certificate from my grandfather due to my family relocation in Peru. The death certificate is located in Lima, Peru. Therefore I cannot obtain a copy, as my family in Peru does not have many resources or technology devices to send a copy.

I hope this letter has provided a clear understanding of my past dilemma, that no longer exists, and the reason for my poor academic results. The reason I continued onto the spring semester was because I did not wanted to drop out of the classes. I still wanted to try and be the best, but unfortunately I could not meet the GPA rule. I’ve learned my lesson from this situation and I will be prepared for any future surprises. I beg you reconsider my eligibility for financial aid, because without it, I would have to continue working as cashier in a restaurant as a full-time student. Except this time I will not be working to support my family, but I would be working to support my own education from my own pocket. And with tuition fees constantly increasing, I fear I will remain a student in NVCC longer than I expected. I want to be the first in my family to graduate from a 4-year university and show that I’ve made the right choices in life. If you give me this second opportunity, I assure you that it will not be taken for granted.

_________
Post edited by Crisflo on

Replies to: how can i shorten my appeal letter, while keeping details? please help

  • Peb242Peb242 Registered Users Posts: 1 Harvard Champion
    edited May 2013
    Yes, your letter needs to be MUCH shorter with almost all detail chopped out and all repetition deleted. Try something more like the following:

    Dear Financial Aid Officer,

    Please accept this letter as an appeal to continue receiving financial aid. I lost financial aid eligibility due to low grades during Fall 2012 and Spring 2013.

    My beloved grandfather passed away on August 24, 2012, leaving behind several relatives who financially depended on his income, including my grandmother, my aunt, and my young cousins. I began working long hours in addition to helping care for my young cousins while my aunt worked to try to make up for my grandfather’s lost income. While I did attempt to keep up with my class assignments and studying, I fell behind and earned poor grades. I completely acknowledge my mistakes.

    My family situation is now stabilized and I will be able to make satisfactory academic progress going forward. The extended family that I have been helping to support are returning to their home country of Peru and I will no longer be required to work extra hours or provide child care. I will again be able to focus on my academic courses.

    I need financial aid in order to continue taking courses. My plan is to take the necessary courses this summer to replace the failing grades. To assure that my academic progress improves, I will seek help from the tutor program here at NVCC. I will meet with my academic advisor each semester before registration so that I can follow the required courses for my degree. I will regularly attend office hours to meet with my instructors to ensure that I understand the material. I have created a study schedule to block out a minimum of 30-hours per week for studying.

    Thank you for your consideration of my appeal. My grandfather was like a father to me and he remains my motivation to achieve my dreams of completing a college education. Given a second chance with financial aid, I know that I can make him proud.

    Sincerely,
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