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Who wants to critique an essay? about diversity

afroninja26afroninja26 Posts: 9 College Search & Selection Champion
edited May 2013 in College Essays
Prompt: What contributions(or experiences)can you offer or provide to support and enhance the TJHSST community of learners, explorers, and mentors?

Answer: Being an Ethiopian-American who frequently visits Ethiopia, I will offer TJHSST not only cultural diversity, but also unique real-life experiences. I intend to share my passion to try and improve a poor and under-developed country. In doing so, I may also be able to share the many good things that Ethiopia continues to share with the world.

I hope that the friends I make at TJHSST can help me do my part in trying to help Ethiopia overcome poverty through technology. In doing so, my friends can explore and learn about the soil and water issues that have become a problem in Ethiopia. Maybe this will lead to a bigger interest not only in Ethiopia, but also the African continent as well.

On a practical level, my teachers will be challenged with helping me with a unique research project. One of the biggest dams in history is under construction on the Blue Nile River. I would like to do a research project on it because of the environmental impact it will have on the water and soil resources of the surrounding areas.

My parents have always explained and stressed to me the importance of community service. I have been involved in community service and I intend on serving the TJHSST community in any way I can.


In paragraph 3, the word challenged has a positive connotation, I sort of need a different word to mean challenged but in a good way. I used challenged for lack of a better word.
Anyways, thank you, and leave any composition critiques below. Any help would be appreciated
Post edited by afroninja26 on

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